


Counselor

by fuzipenguin



Series: Aliens and Earthlings [4]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, Other, Xeno, talk of fluids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 11:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6236668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzipenguin/pseuds/fuzipenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ratchet sits Sideswipe and Mikaela down for a frank discussion. Mikaela still has doubts</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counselor

                "Sit."

                Sideswipe promptly hopped up on the indicated exam table, legs almost immediately swinging as they dangled over the edge. Ratchet nodded approvingly and glanced over at Mikaela to see her staring skeptically back at him. One hip was cocked out to the side and her arms were crossed over her chest, fingers of one hand tapping out a staccato rhythm on her own elbow.

                "What's this about, Ratch? The sun and I were enjoying some quality time together. _You_ were the one who chased me out this morning and said I was starting to look pale," she complained, uncrossing her arms and gesturing to her body, barely covered by scraps of cloths over her mammary glands and genitals. 

                "Yeah, Ratch," Sideswipe added. "Look at her... she's all... pale."

                Orbital ridges furrowing at the odd note in Sideswipe’s voice, Ratchet glanced back at him. The frontliner was staring at Mikalea, gaze trailing down her body from the top of her dark head to her flip-flip covered feet. His optics lingered on her bare mid-section before he felt the weight of Ratchet’s gaze on him and his head snapped up. A flash of guilt crossed Sideswipe’s face before his optics widened in innocence. 

                Ratchet grunted. Like he hadn’t seen that look before. It was just further proof of something he’d already suspected.

                "Right. Well, you can go back to developing skin cancer after this,” he said dismissively, before going on the offensive. “Within the span of twenty four hours, you’ve both asked me about the opposite species' bodily fluids. What are the two of you up to?"

"Up to?" Sideswipe questioned, looking confused. And oh, he was good. Because that actually looked genuine.

                "Bodily fluids?" Mikaela questioned, nearly in unison. "What are you talking about? Oh! You mean this morning? It's kinda my job to know those things, isn't it?"

                A perfectly reasonable response, and Ratchet was tempted to believe her. Except he caught the quick, furtive glance she shot at Sideswipe when she thought Ratchet wasn’t looking.

                Now it was Ratchet's turn to cross his arms over his chest. "Yes, and you know I welcome all of your questions. What I find suspicious however, is that Sideswipe asked something so similar. Why is that?”

                Ratchet's demanding stare turned back to the resident pain in his aft. "Sideswipe?"

                To his credit, Sideswipe's innocent expression never once faltered as he shrugged. "Great minds think alike?"

                Snorting, Ratchet shook his head. "Really?" he drawled. "Try another one."

                "I don't know what you want, Ratchet," Sideswipe replied, fidgeting a little and beginning to look irritated. "There's nothing going on."

                "What have you told me before? Something about people protesting too much? Spill," Ratchet demanded. 

                "There's nothing to spill!" Sideswipe protested. "Why do you always have to assume that something nefarious is happening?"

                Ratchet raised an orbital ridge. "Because it's you," he stated matter of factly. "You're involved."

                "I resent that remark," Sideswipe exclaimed, drawing himself up indignantly. He pushed himself off the table and landed on his wheels, bouncing a little in place. "I'm leaving; I don't have to take this!"

                Ratchet threw out an arm and his palm impacted Sideswipe's chestplate. "Maybe not. But you will. Sit back down," he growled. 

                "But...!"

                "Sit!" Ratchet shoved and Sideswipe slid backwards, his back hitting the table. He pouted at Ratchet, reaching around to rub his plating. "You're so rough. Why you gotta be like that?"

                Mikaela coughed, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. Ratchet thought she muttered something under her breath as she did so, but he couldn’t make it out. Apparently Sideswipe did however, because he whipped his head around and glared at the human female. 

                "Because roughness is the only thing you know," Ratchet retorted, watching Sideswipe slowly hop back up onto the table, still appearing indignant. Ratchet was pretty sure it was an act. He had witnessed enough Sideswipian tantrums and innocent optics over the years for Ratchet to become immune by now.  

                "Uh, that's a little stereotypical, don't you think?" Mikaela piped up, causing both Ratchet and Sideswipe to look at her in surprise. "I don't know Sideswipe all that well, but even I know he’s more than just a grunt.” 

                Ratchet blinked several times at his human apprentice before glancing back over at Sideswipe. The warrior was staring at Mikaela in frank astonishment, and Ratchet felt a curl of... something… twist within his spark. How many mecha had ever really defended either Sideswipe or his brother? Optimus, Prowl, and Ratchet had all been accused of favoritism towards the twins at one point or another, but did _they_ know that?

                He internally shelved that thought for another time. He wasn’t going to get distracted from this. 

                "You're right," Ratchet admitted. "Sideswipe is more than just a foot soldier. He has many layers. Like an onion; he's always making me cry," he said dryly. "But regardless of that, I want to know what's happening between you two. You're both adults within your own species. What you do in your spare time is your choice. But I want you to be safe. And if you two are planning what I think you are... well, there’s a lot of room for error."

                Mikaela looked a little chastised and her eyes slid to the side, looking at the far wall. "What if we already… _did_ something?"

                Sideswipe shifted in place. "Seriously?" he hissed. "You broke first?!"

                Ratchet took a step back, a little surprised at the confession. He looked first at Mikaela and then Sideswipe. "Something? What exactly does 'something' mean?"

                The frontliner threw his hands up into the air, glancing up at the ceiling. "You need practice in ‘Ratchet Resistance’," Sideswipe informed Mikaela. "Because that was pathetic."

                "He's my boss!" she protested. 

                "Focus!" Ratchet snapped, causing both human and frontliner to cringe. "What is this 'something'?'

                "Not much," Sideswipe mumbled. "Just a little... touching."

                Ratchet leaned forward, hands on his hips. His optics bored into the top of Sideswipe's bent helm. "What kind of touching?"

                Sideswipe fidgeted again, grasping the edge of the exam table and rocking atop it as if he were about to bolt. And if Sideswipe got out of arm's length, there was nothing Ratchet could to do catch him. So Ratchet grasped the other mech's knee and squeezed once meaningfully. 

                "Sideswipe?" Ratchet asked, a warning growl bumbling up from his chest. 

                "Stop intimidating him, Ratchet!" Mikaela exclaimed, exasperated. "If you absolutely have to know, Sideswipe showed me his interface array and I... I palpated his valve," she explained. She lost steam halfway through at the mention of interface equipment, but quickly picked up confidence at the end. Now she stood tall, expression challenging. 

                “You palpated his valve,” Ratchet repeated, processor immediately whirling with every possible way that could have gone wrong. “And that’s it?”

                Mikaela and Sideswipe glanced at one another. She shrugged helplessly at him and Sideswipe ex-vented, rolling his optics skyward again before fully facing Ratchet. “She overloaded me,” he replied simply. Then his expression turned sly. “ _Thoroughly_. I recorded it. Wanna see?”

                The human let out a shocked sound. “You did what?!”

                “You never told me not to. It’s not like I was going to sell it or anything creepy like that,” Sideswipe replied, shooting her a quick glance before looking back at Ratchet. “What do ya say, Ratch? Wanna see how good your apprentice’s hands really are?”

                If Sideswipe was going for shock factor, he’d be sorely disappointed. Ratchet had had more than a few dalliances with organic species on other planets and while the practice wasn’t routine, interspeciesal interfacing had never been looked down on either.

                “I’ll trust your word on it,” Ratchet retorted, raising an orbital ridge. “Did you use any protection?”

                “It’d be a little hard for her to spark me up, Ratchet!” Sideswipe exclaimed sarcastically. As if it had a mind of its own, his right hand rose up and pressed his fingertips against his chestplate, directly over his spark.

                Ratchet watched him for a moment before reaching out and patting the other mech’s shoulder. Sideswipe looked up at him with startled optics and then whipped his hand away from his chest to clutch the edge of the exam table instead.

                “I’m the one you least have to worry about,” Sideswipe muttered, staring down at the floor.

                “For sparklings. For idiotic ventures though, you’re highest on my list,” Ratchet quipped gently, patting Sideswipe’s plating once more before releasing him.

                The more he thought about it, the more Ratchet found that it made a sort of sense. He knew Sideswipe was at a loss due to the separation from his twin. And it wasn’t just an emotional disturbance; the mech’s spark continually resonated with odd fluctuations which caused Ratchet’s medical protocols fits. He doubted interfacing would help, regardless of Sideswipe’s partner, but at least it would provide a distraction.

                Why he had chosen a female Earthling however, was beyond Ratchet. Of course, there wasn’t really a great deal of options for Sideswipe to choose from on Earth. Both Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had amicably taken partners in the past, singly and together, but to Ratchet’s knowledge those other mecha had been few and far in between. And they had never stayed for very long.

                “I wore my gloves,” Mikaela offered, shifting from one foot to the other. She gazed worriedly at Sideswipe, biting her lower lip. “I couldn’t… I didn’t hurt you, did I? You didn’t say anything.”

                 Sideswipe’s head shot up, and he waved his hands about in denial. “No! You definitely didn’t hurt me, trust me on that.”

                 “I’m glad you used your gloves,” Ratchet interjected, nodding approvingly at Mikaela. “Our lubricant is very unlikely to cause any harm, yet it _is_ a foreign material. It’s possible to have caused an allergic reaction or to even irritate open cuts or sores.”

                 “So I could have done it without the gloves?” Mikaela questioned. Before Ratchet could respond, Sideswipe piped up.

                 “What about oral lubricant? Would that hurt her in anyway? Especially in her interface bits? Because there’s a _list_ of places I want to lick,” Sideswipe explained, leaning forward eagerly. Apparently the reminder of his missing twin and the inability to produce offspring without Sunstreaker was discarded in favor of this more interesting question.

                 Mikaela made a muffled sound and Ratchet glanced over at her, absently noting the increased temperature in her cheeks. She was staring at Sideswipe with wide eyes, her lower jaw hanging open slightly. The frontliner caught her expression, and he reared back a little.

                “What?” Sideswipe said a little defensively.

                “You… you’re not joking, are you?” Mikaela asked, still gazing at Sideswipe in astonishment. Then she looked at Ratchet. “Is this, like… a thing with you guys? Are you fucking a human on the side too?” she asked faintly.

                Ratchet raised an orbital ridge at the crude language. “I am not. However, I would not be adverse to exploring interfacing compatibilities with a partner I trusted. Cybtertronians have engaged in relations outside of their species for millennia. You and Sideswipe are not the first,” he reassured her.

                “Well… you’re _my_ first,” Sideswipe interjected cheerfully.

                “… _why_?” Mikaela asked, a little helplessly. “I mean, in the beginning it was interesting to compare anatomy. But then it kept going and now you want to… to… eat me out?!”

                “Well… _yeah_ ,” the warrior responded. “It’s not hurting anybody… and, I mean, it’s not like we’re gonna bond or anything. But I like you and you like me and if we can make each other feel good… why not?”

                Mikeala blinked several times in disbelief at Sideswipe. “… and it’s as easy as that for you, is it?”

                “Pretty much,” Sideswipe agreed with a nod.

                Ratchet shot him a side-opticked glance. Considering how infrequently the twins took outside partners, Ratchet highly doubted it was a ‘simple’ decision on Sideswipe’s part. But Mikaela was an exemplary member of her species and even Ratchet could see the attraction that her strength and determination offered. And he had to admit… all that softness was a little appealing.

                But he was getting off track.

                “As fascinating as this all is, I didn’t bring you both here as a relationship counselor,” Ratchet hurriedly interjected before the two of them could really get started. And maybe that was one of the draws for Sideswipe as well. Mikaela rarely backed down, a trait Sunstreaker had in spades.

                “I merely want to ensure you’re both being safe. And yes, your oral lubricants shouldn’t harm Mikaela, but try to limit the amount which enters any of her orifices. And Mikaela, you should thoroughly wash afterwards. If you plan on inserting anything,” Ratchet added, pointedly staring at Sideswipe’s lap where his hands now rested, “use artificial human lubricant.”

                “Oh my God,” Mikaela said faintly. “Nothing is getting inserted anywhere!”

                “That’s what you say now,” Sideswipe replied in an offhand manner, raising up one of his hands and examining his digit tips. He spread his fingers and looked through the gaps, giving the human a slow, seductive once over. “Bet I can convince you otherwise.”

                As Mikaela’s eyes flashed in indignation, Ratchet silently wished her luck. Because if Sideswipe looked at _Ratchet_ like that, he’d be hard pressed to say no.

 

~ End


End file.
